Today I discovered I am dying. Little hints of it are everywhere in this house. There are NO sources of chocolate anywhere here. Who would believe that in a month where I spent literally a thousand dollars on food this could be true?
It must be the Hostess guys corporate screw up trickling down to the household level. I always have Ding-Dongs, Ho-Hos, and Twinkies stashed somewhere in the house. The Snowballs pink gooey goodness is always blatantly on display in several rooms.
It is a mortal imperative to have chocolate where small grandchildren and older, smarter children just can't find it. Now that the baking empire has fallen my stashes are finally all tapped out. (insert heavy long-suffering sigh here) and in a post apocalyptic baking world there just isn't any reasonable replacement available. Why oh why can't someone make a decent fake ding dong?
Nothing says living the dream like a Suzie q and a diet Pepsi. The taste combination is just indescribable. Plus, the irony.. a diet drink with a 1,800 calorie cake... get it get it?
They just took it away? Now all I can get is a cardboard box with a similar enough to be recognizable label yet dissimilar enough inside to make me want to eat the box instead knock off.
Don't even get me started on the available sweets in the cupboard. All we have here is vanilla pudding in a box. Bah.. Vanilla. Is that even a flavor or just the absence of Chocolate? Someone bought this box in this house? Isn't vanilla free since it grovels so far below chocolate? Did we not see the chocolate pudding and just knocked this into the cart by mistake? Is there a universe in which vanilla is a choice and not a mistake?
So here I sit at the end of days feeding vanilla pudding to my 100 pound dog so Britt won't know I dumped all her hard work making me pudding in a fit of IT'S NOT CHOCOLATE.
This also begs the question
What did they do with all that marshmallow filing?
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