FAT Tuesday

Being from New Orleans I thought of what day it is today and came up with hey it's Mardi Gras!
Fat Tuesday to be specific. So I threw out my tv dinner (88 cent) lunch and opted for Kentucky Fried Chicken.  It is a holiday, after all.
Ha! any excuse would do at this point. I burned the tv dinner. It was cheese alfredo tortellini with broccoli, so it really smelled bad. The center was still frozen but the edges were crispy. Explain that to me will you? How does a microwave which is supposed to cook from the inside out, make me some of this? You don't know either? I thought so.
But... I bet you have done it too. Haven't you? I thought so.
Lately my microwave turns out 2 things:
Totally nuclear meltdown   or
Won't cook through until after nuclear meltdown
In fact, I had a cup of cocoa last night that was all show, no good.
The cup was so hot I nearly dropped it and burned my palm good. The milk and powder inside was room temperature clumps floating in cold milk. Explain that if you can.
I also was trying to use up the stew from the crock pot weekend and got the same results.
The bowl was bubbling plastic with nuclear meltdown.. The stew had cold grease clumps in it.
Time to upgrade the nuclear wessle.

work work work

Life just doesn't get any better than 4:30pm on Friday. As the weekend stretches out before me I ponder what to do for 2 whole days and come up with     Nothing! Ah nothing. I love nothing. The really big choices this weekend may just come down to:
1 hammering up the cable holders I bought last week
2 touching up the white paint in my newly painted media room
3 laundry
or
chuck it all and start my own non-think tank with a romance novel.
No last minute rushes this week. No one is having a birthday. No silly holiday preparations. No car crisis. Ahhhhh the boring life. I love it. When I'm done I may take a nap.

Valentines

Woo Hoo Valentines Day. I have never had much going on for this day. So usually I buy some sort of chocolate or balloons for the kids and go from there. This year I wanted to compose a little poem for all the kids and grandkids in my life:
Valentines are for loving and I have 14 people who love me
They come in all sizes from great big to small
They don't ever do what I tell them at all
They ruffle the furniture, eat out of the fridge
play video games till midnight, wrestle ... the kids
They're often quite messy and unusually loud
These offspring of mine, make me quite proud

Sumo

I love sumo wrestling. It is a rare man who will put on a small apron (only) and go head to head with another man. There is a little guy in the ring with them and his main function seems to be to scream those two large guys into action and beat them with his fan. It is all over pretty quickly with the cleverest man still standing and the other eating dirt in the yard. I really like this sport. Mostly because I have no idea how to speak Japanese and yet I understand whats going on.
Today I watched the Superbowl. It isn't the first time I have watched the Superbowl but it is the first time I have slowed down the dvr long enough between commercials to notice the players. Wow. Those are some big boys. Such meaty large bodies dressed in tight spandex. The players square off at each other and run forward to knock each other down or take away a ball from each other. Problem: there is only one ball.  At least 1/2 the team plays at the same time too. It was like sumo wrestling but with a ball, clothes, and helmets.
The little Japanese guys in the dresses who normally stand in the middle have been replaced by men in striped shirts. They have little scarfs to throw down when they are really pissed. Almost immediately after the one with the ball stops yelling, everyone takes off running at each other and the striped men blow their whistles and throw the scarfs. I think real men would have been able to scream the players into doing what they want them to (like in real sumo wrestling), but hey this is America and whistles seem to get the job done. The striped men then single out whomever they want to punish and read a card on a loud speaker.
The men's hair isn't 1/2 as good in football as sumo, but they put ceremonial tribal marks under their eyes and pat each other a lot. Drinking and spitting are also a part of this game, but mostly by the ones wearing the spandex on the sides. Everyone gets a chance to play and they seem to spend most of the game moving players in or out of the ring. Several of them just sit on a chair at the side and yell.
So there you have it girls, football isn't so bad. Just picture those men all wearing little beaded aprons.

Hate to break this to you, but Christmas is OVER.

Well hello TAX day!
Taxes are here and for those of us waiting for a refund... it is just like Christmas.
Only a month and a half late. Kind of reminds me of every man I have ever known. Oh, yes lets give them what they were praying for last month when it is too late to use it for Christmas. I just blew 5 months of income so now I can use my tax refund to pay all the normal bills I was ignoring for 2 months.
Great plan. I KNOW it's a plot. Why not give us the refund in June when we have recovered from the Christmas bills? We could have a vacation.
Ok, so with Tax Day comes an ultimatum. I'm gonna go postal and shoot up Rudolph if my neighbor's don't get the decorations off the lawn. If you can see green, pick up the deflated Santa and pack the lights in buddy... It's over.

Winter wonderland

Today the weatherman predicted 1 inch of snow.
He did not say it would be 1 inch per hour.
It is craptastic outside. The kids are very excited to miss school.

Tires and Heaters and Trash Oh My!

Today is black Tuesday. I went to the grocery store and came out to a flat tire.


I was at the store for the bank. Which I had accidentally overdrawn..opps.

Brittany called and the heater is out, kaputt, no workee. Xcel energy says if we have a working water heater, it is not their problem.

Yesterday the trash men skipped our block, again. So we called today and they said

OK we will send out a supervisor (to see if you are telling the truth?).

Basically, it has rained poop today. AND there is no snow.

In Colorado

The Mile High City

and it's like 28 degrees outside. But no snow.