Valentines

Woo Hoo Valentines Day. I have never had much going on for this day. So usually I buy some sort of chocolate or balloons for the kids and go from there. This year I wanted to compose a little poem for all the kids and grandkids in my life:
Valentines are for loving and I have 14 people who love me
They come in all sizes from great big to small
They don't ever do what I tell them at all
They ruffle the furniture, eat out of the fridge
play video games till midnight, wrestle ... the kids
They're often quite messy and unusually loud
These offspring of mine, make me quite proud

Sumo

I love sumo wrestling. It is a rare man who will put on a small apron (only) and go head to head with another man. There is a little guy in the ring with them and his main function seems to be to scream those two large guys into action and beat them with his fan. It is all over pretty quickly with the cleverest man still standing and the other eating dirt in the yard. I really like this sport. Mostly because I have no idea how to speak Japanese and yet I understand whats going on.
Today I watched the Superbowl. It isn't the first time I have watched the Superbowl but it is the first time I have slowed down the dvr long enough between commercials to notice the players. Wow. Those are some big boys. Such meaty large bodies dressed in tight spandex. The players square off at each other and run forward to knock each other down or take away a ball from each other. Problem: there is only one ball.  At least 1/2 the team plays at the same time too. It was like sumo wrestling but with a ball, clothes, and helmets.
The little Japanese guys in the dresses who normally stand in the middle have been replaced by men in striped shirts. They have little scarfs to throw down when they are really pissed. Almost immediately after the one with the ball stops yelling, everyone takes off running at each other and the striped men blow their whistles and throw the scarfs. I think real men would have been able to scream the players into doing what they want them to (like in real sumo wrestling), but hey this is America and whistles seem to get the job done. The striped men then single out whomever they want to punish and read a card on a loud speaker.
The men's hair isn't 1/2 as good in football as sumo, but they put ceremonial tribal marks under their eyes and pat each other a lot. Drinking and spitting are also a part of this game, but mostly by the ones wearing the spandex on the sides. Everyone gets a chance to play and they seem to spend most of the game moving players in or out of the ring. Several of them just sit on a chair at the side and yell.
So there you have it girls, football isn't so bad. Just picture those men all wearing little beaded aprons.

Hate to break this to you, but Christmas is OVER.

Well hello TAX day!
Taxes are here and for those of us waiting for a refund... it is just like Christmas.
Only a month and a half late. Kind of reminds me of every man I have ever known. Oh, yes lets give them what they were praying for last month when it is too late to use it for Christmas. I just blew 5 months of income so now I can use my tax refund to pay all the normal bills I was ignoring for 2 months.
Great plan. I KNOW it's a plot. Why not give us the refund in June when we have recovered from the Christmas bills? We could have a vacation.
Ok, so with Tax Day comes an ultimatum. I'm gonna go postal and shoot up Rudolph if my neighbor's don't get the decorations off the lawn. If you can see green, pick up the deflated Santa and pack the lights in buddy... It's over.

Winter wonderland

Today the weatherman predicted 1 inch of snow.
He did not say it would be 1 inch per hour.
It is craptastic outside. The kids are very excited to miss school.

Tires and Heaters and Trash Oh My!

Today is black Tuesday. I went to the grocery store and came out to a flat tire.


I was at the store for the bank. Which I had accidentally overdrawn..opps.

Brittany called and the heater is out, kaputt, no workee. Xcel energy says if we have a working water heater, it is not their problem.

Yesterday the trash men skipped our block, again. So we called today and they said

OK we will send out a supervisor (to see if you are telling the truth?).

Basically, it has rained poop today. AND there is no snow.

In Colorado

The Mile High City

and it's like 28 degrees outside. But no snow.

early what?

So we had an early Christmas at my daughters house. Since I survived that, I can live through anything. On the way home Kale said, and I quote: "I was a little angel at the early Christmas". I told Brittany to step on the gas so we would be missed by the lightning bolt which was sure to follow. The kids were actually very close to good, however angelic was NOT on the list of adjectives I would apply to any description of their behavior. For some reason the turkey did not turn out and took 2 extra hours to be done. All the kids were starving and very crabby by the time food was available. Also, the trip was punctuated by several whining complaints about how the kids were "bored". I don't want to get on that subject because it makes me very angry. Later after we got home and they quieted down to a dull roar spinning lightsabres and all, we discussed the merits of "angelic" silence.

It's begining to look a lot like crisis

It is 6:35am and I am up and not functioning in a good way. Because we have no water! What a crap morning.
Before 8am I have to:
Go to work
Wash my hair and other places in the restroom sink
Go to the bank at 7am and make a deposit
Call the water company  and  possibly schedule the water back on today
Then start my workday
Perhaps this is a good day to call in sick?
The whys of this are not as important as the logistical snaffu of it. I get home at 5 or so every evening. The water company closes at 5:30. Do the 1/2 hour math on this one while holding on the phone for "the next available representative" after the 23 minute button pushing session to English, account #, what did you want, I'm sorry that is not a valid entry, marathon. Yea, they got cha. At 5:30pm exactly the phone cuts off and says that they are now closed. Now don't get me wrong this is not a rant on the water company, I created this problem by choosing to eat over paying the water bill but come on guys could you make it any harder to pay? No they could not.
This will educate me for bill collectors in the future. I am modeling my answering machine after the water company's.