Hate to break this to you, but Christmas is OVER.

Well hello TAX day!
Taxes are here and for those of us waiting for a refund... it is just like Christmas.
Only a month and a half late. Kind of reminds me of every man I have ever known. Oh, yes lets give them what they were praying for last month when it is too late to use it for Christmas. I just blew 5 months of income so now I can use my tax refund to pay all the normal bills I was ignoring for 2 months.
Great plan. I KNOW it's a plot. Why not give us the refund in June when we have recovered from the Christmas bills? We could have a vacation.
Ok, so with Tax Day comes an ultimatum. I'm gonna go postal and shoot up Rudolph if my neighbor's don't get the decorations off the lawn. If you can see green, pick up the deflated Santa and pack the lights in buddy... It's over.

Winter wonderland

Today the weatherman predicted 1 inch of snow.
He did not say it would be 1 inch per hour.
It is craptastic outside. The kids are very excited to miss school.

Tires and Heaters and Trash Oh My!

Today is black Tuesday. I went to the grocery store and came out to a flat tire.


I was at the store for the bank. Which I had accidentally overdrawn..opps.

Brittany called and the heater is out, kaputt, no workee. Xcel energy says if we have a working water heater, it is not their problem.

Yesterday the trash men skipped our block, again. So we called today and they said

OK we will send out a supervisor (to see if you are telling the truth?).

Basically, it has rained poop today. AND there is no snow.

In Colorado

The Mile High City

and it's like 28 degrees outside. But no snow.

early what?

So we had an early Christmas at my daughters house. Since I survived that, I can live through anything. On the way home Kale said, and I quote: "I was a little angel at the early Christmas". I told Brittany to step on the gas so we would be missed by the lightning bolt which was sure to follow. The kids were actually very close to good, however angelic was NOT on the list of adjectives I would apply to any description of their behavior. For some reason the turkey did not turn out and took 2 extra hours to be done. All the kids were starving and very crabby by the time food was available. Also, the trip was punctuated by several whining complaints about how the kids were "bored". I don't want to get on that subject because it makes me very angry. Later after we got home and they quieted down to a dull roar spinning lightsabres and all, we discussed the merits of "angelic" silence.

It's begining to look a lot like crisis

It is 6:35am and I am up and not functioning in a good way. Because we have no water! What a crap morning.
Before 8am I have to:
Go to work
Wash my hair and other places in the restroom sink
Go to the bank at 7am and make a deposit
Call the water company  and  possibly schedule the water back on today
Then start my workday
Perhaps this is a good day to call in sick?
The whys of this are not as important as the logistical snaffu of it. I get home at 5 or so every evening. The water company closes at 5:30. Do the 1/2 hour math on this one while holding on the phone for "the next available representative" after the 23 minute button pushing session to English, account #, what did you want, I'm sorry that is not a valid entry, marathon. Yea, they got cha. At 5:30pm exactly the phone cuts off and says that they are now closed. Now don't get me wrong this is not a rant on the water company, I created this problem by choosing to eat over paying the water bill but come on guys could you make it any harder to pay? No they could not.
This will educate me for bill collectors in the future. I am modeling my answering machine after the water company's.

The fake son in law grin

Hipp Hipp Horay We have the Fake Son In Law Grin back for Christmas from Afghoweverinheckuspellit. He got here tonight. I can not wait to see the video of the reunion. There are several reasons I am glad to have him home.

1. While he was away I had many epiphanies regarding what he could be doing for us poor helpless womenfolk.
2. He was not here to let Tobi cry on his shoulder when her dad passed.
3. Man is the princess needy, she lost 1/2 her audience while he was gone.
4. I want to pick his brain and (battalion) and have him help us get an Army man for BD.
5. And maybe most importantly We get 2 Christmas' this year.

The 5th Monday of the week.

This week has sucked beyond all reckoning. Monday (the first one) I almost lost my job over something I did at work 3 years ago. I billed a company for a $210.00 per hour job at $ 210.00 a day. Needless to say the boss was involved in the discussion on how badly I screwed up. ( I wanted to say, "Gee maybe if someone noticed sooner, this would not have happened." But since that would probably have been the first nail in my coffin, I didn't say that. )
Tuesday (or second Monday as I like to think of it) Kale and Phoenix threw up on the way to school. While Phoenix was laying on the floor that night feeling really ill, Kale beat the dog snot out of Phoenix to the point that it looks like Phoenix was beaten by one of us older, stronger adults. His face, arms, and neck look terrible. To understand how horrible this is you have to understand Phoenix will be a fiction writer when he grows up. He has already started telling tall tales to me about how his mother "slapped him" out of his highchair when he was 3 because he would not eat. First of all, I would have made mince meat out of her if she had touched him. Secondly, if you saw Phoenix you would know he has never missed a meal and will eat virtually anything that doesn't crawl off the plate he is like 108 pounds at 8. So I knew we would be in for it either way when he got to school on Wednesday because the first thing the school does when a kid comes in with obvious marks is march that child down to the social services officer to be questioned. Seriously, he can not tell the truth that his 5 year old 38 pound brother whipped his fanny. That would be humiliating. So I could just see the police and Social services all over us. I spent the evening making him admit the truth to me over and over so we would not be facing jail time come Wednesday.
Wednesday when we got home from work there were news cameramen all over our block. Yes, we live in a crappy neighborhood with crack houses, knifing, shootings, gangs, etc.. But not that bad. I didn't think. So before we could go to the second job we had to hide out in the house waiting for the paparazzi to clear out. Meanwhile, I hear a giant screaming fit upstairs (that would be Kale). I'm talking loud. The paparazzi probably came down to our house at that point. Phoenix had turned on the second TV and it was louder than Kale's video game which of course could not be tolerated.
Thursday I had a doctors appointment. "lose weight, bla bla, exercise bla, hows your diet... bla bla"
Today is Friday. Half the job sucks and I work on that side. I forgot my lunch. My boss skived off after 10 am to go golf. The substitute dispatcher is the only guy working here I can't stand. I have a pounding headache and it is only noon.
Lunch break is over... back to work.